When I decided I wanted to run for a charity I wanted it to be for one that meant something to me, one that would push me to that finish line, push past the inevitable pain barrier and get me to my goal. For the last few months this has been an easy decision for me as I felt the decision was going to be made for me. I was under the impression that I had a charity place for the marathon, this basically meant I had to raise money for the charity I put down in my application form. This incidentally was Mind.
I rang up Virgin London Marathon earlier this week, as to be honest I wasn't exactly sure what I should be doing and realistically what I had actually signed up for! They then informed me that I had in fact won a ballot place, one of the 22,000 very sort after ballot places and did not need to raise money for a charity. As shocked as I was that I had 'made it' this was never up for debate, I was always going to raise money for charity.
Earlier this year a good friend of mine from my university days, someone who I haven't seen for years, informed us of some truly horrible news that his brother had taken his own life. Although I never knew G's younger brother, and I hadn't seen G's in years I felt liked I had been kicked in the stomach. Depression is something that has affected my family and myself, and knowing how close I or one of my family members came to having to go through what G and his family were going through scared me to the point of nausea.
Once G and his family were slowly coming to terms with their grief they decided they wanted to raise awareness for young male suicide. Although I am sure this gave them some comfort, I could never get over how brave and courageous I thought they were for using their grief in such positivity. Would I, could I ever do the same? A question in all reality I never want to find out.
As soon as I saw this I knew who I wanted to raise money for, the charity that now meant so much to them, CALM - Campaign Against Living Miserably. No to sound rude, but on the outside I am sure this sounds like a charity that all of us would want a chunk of! I mean who wants to live miserably?! Well, not me, not any more that is.
I have kinda of glossed over the fact that depression has effected me. Maybe we'll save that for another time and another post. I am sure this post has enough doom and gloom on it already and doesn't need any more!
I contacted G this week and told him of my intentions to which he quite naturally was very touched. I am sure he was quite surprised to hear that I wanted to help, considering I haven't seen him for years! He doesn't need to know how much it hit home that I truly understand depression is not something to be hidden behind closed doors or be ashamed of.
Today however was where my plan has changed.
I have said previously I am emotional person, and more often than not this is the instinct that drives me, and today has proved that no end. I have been a teacher for about 10 years now. I have met some very special kids and some very special parents and I feel privileged to have been 'educated' in some way or form by them all. Some kids and parents stick with you, you make that bond and that never leaves. These are the ones who you never forget, ever.
Today I found one of those kids who had one of those parents, had some awful news, and their first instinct was to come to my school to tell myself and a colleague face to face as they wanted their 'friends to know'. Their Mum, his wife had passed away today, a few days after she had left hospital to go home and be with her family. She had cancer. I will genuinely never get over how strong they were in those minutes we spent chatting.
The way this father and son spoke of the nurses that helped them and his mother, his wife, through the last days of her life is truly impossible to put into words. This disease, this cancer has affected my family and the families of those nearest and dearest to me and I think you would be hard pressed to find someone it hasn't.
Cancer is such a dirty, sickening word, it has no remorse, no reason, no prejudice, it just takes. So now this training, this run, this marathon has a new meaning. It now has another life for me to honour.
I will never understand why such bad things happen to such good people or families, no matter what their circumstances.
This is for G Junior and Mrs M.
Power Song - (Found this cover that I like of today's power song) Patty Griffin 'It Don't Come Easy'
Power Song - (Found this cover that I like of today's power song) Patty Griffin 'It Don't Come Easy'
Miss Pulse
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